Make love to the present. Fuck the past.

So I found out ensure is bad for you and contains corn syrup so for lunch Im having two peices of fruit..

So I have been losing to much weight, I weigh 122 now so I decided to drink an ensure for lunch.. They are only 230 calories and they are easy to bring with me. They dont taste terrible warm which is a plus.

Zeph and I are friends now.. Jenna was controlling her and not letting her talk to me,.. lame.. Now Jenna isent talking to me, after being friends with her for three years, Shes mad at me because I didn't hang out with her on the 4th when she was depressed  because I had a party to go to and I was to late to pick her up..oh well..

Now I'm just waiting for Justine to call me back.. I dont even know if she has my number :(

Yesterday I went to the Old Country Buffet with Pat.. I got salad and an Ice cream. Once a week I get to cheat on my diet and I guess I am a little early this week.. I'm going to try and cheat a little more tho because I'm at my goal weight.. I wouldn't mind staying at this weight because all my old clothes fit like my size 6 skinny jeans and my old old size 10/12 kids band shirts.

I can't drink because of the Klonopins and the sleeping meds (Which don't even work).. Its good because drinks are so many calories but I do miss wine and going out with my friends. Ive been lurking Facebook and Im jealous of the fun some people have... Sometimes I miss the Seroquel because with the geodon its hard to go out at night because it gives me a restless feeling when I take it sometimes, I can always take it before I go to bed,, but you need to eat food with it and thats a pain. The seroquel also helped me sleep. I cant sleep now and no sleeping pills are working, its very frustrating...but  I would never go back on the Seroquel though, I gained over 75 pounds on it,

Zeph isnt talking to me because she is dating my best friend.. and my best friend dosent want her gf to talk to her friends or something.. lame.. It's really depressing because Zeph and I became really good friends and I miss her.. and now Jenna (the girl shes dating my old best friend) isent even talking to me...

On a brighter note I weigh 125 and people are starting to notice, I lost 75 pounds since Jan or Feb

Breakfast
Redbull
Special K
Activa Yogurt

Dinner
Greek salad

I cut out soda (except the redbull) and Beef from my diet...

I haven't updated this in a long time..

I weigh 135, 5 more pounds till my goal weight

I met an awesome new friend named Cara who I have been hanging out non stop

Aimee has been mia, but hopefully I can see her soon

Justine and I had a rough patch but we are hanging out  on Friday or Sat, hopefully that goes well

Ive been obcessing over Harry Potter and I'm on the 3rd book :)

I have been having trouble sleeping and Im hoping to go on a permant sleeping pill

yesterday
Breakfast
Special K
Dinner'
Greek Salad

Today
breakfast
three eggs
Dinner
Greek Salad

breakfast
special k

dinner
greek salad

breakfast
special k

dinner
greek salad

I finally weigh 145 :)

yesterday

breakfast
bowl of special K

Dinner
Homemade sushi

today

Breakfast
special K

dinner
asparagus

may 1st

breakfast
special K

Dinner
lean cuisine raviolis

meal with meds
a roast beef sandwich (Thats what the hospital gave me, yuck)

Yesterday

Breakfast
special K

Dinner
A piece of pizza (It was my day I can have fatty foods)

Meal with meds
Special K and a small yogurt

Today

Breakfast
special k

dinner
a bag of asparagus

meal with meds
probably special K with a small yogurt

yesterday
 Breakfast
special K

Lunch
black coffee

Dinner
Lean cuisine pizza

meal with meds
special K

Today

Breakfast
Special K

Dinner
Greek Salad

meal with meds
Special K

breakfast
special K

DInner
sushi

food with meds
special K

Stole this from Liz

Comment on this entry, and I will:

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3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you may post this in your LJ if you so desire/have not already done so.


today was awesome, I hung out with Justine, Mike, and gaby. We hung around the house and went to the park for a bit then went to taco bell. yum. On Tues Im seeing them again and we are going to Lowes to get some stuff to start a small garden, I cant wait :)

Breakfast
special K

lunch
black cofee

dinner
two hard chicken tacos from taco bell with hot sauce

snack with meds
special K

morning
A bowl of special K

dinner
A bowl of special K

Food with meds at 7
probably a bowl of Special K

pretty interesting, huh

Today sucked, I was going to see Jenna at 2, but my grandfather called and said I had to pick up my car at 5 and be at his house at 4, so I had to cancel plans with Jenna.. I miss her. Tomorrow I'm going to Hull with Pat and Rob. It will be nice to finally meet Rob, hes in Pats band. I guess we are just going to walk around and possibly get lunch at scooners. Sunday I'm seeing Justine, but I'm not sure what we are going to do, its going to be nice out :) yay

Today was awesome. Pat and I went to hang out with Justine, Mike and Gaby today. We went to the hanover mall. I got the Three Six Mafia Da Unbreakables CD, which I wanted for a long time because it wont let me download it. It's a great CD, Pat and I are HUGE Three Six Mafia fans. The CD has amazing songs like Ridin' Spinners and rainbow colors. :) For dinner we got some takeout at Souper Noodle and Moes and ate at justines and mikes. Im doing a lot better and I'm happy! :) and justine and mike are great people and im lucky to have them as  friends :) Even baby gaby is a good friend hahah <3

Breakfast
special K and some egg whites

lunch
medium black coffee

dinner
aliltle bit of the souper noodle

meal with meds
some of the souper noodle

yesterday

breakfast
special K

Dinner
greek salad

food with my meds at 7
rest of greek salad

today

breakfast
Special  K

Dinner
greek salad

foood with meds at 7
probably special K

I had to get a biopsy today for cervical cancer.. WORST THING EVER.. I had to lie on a table and the doctor took parts of my insides out. It was painful and the table was covered with blood when i got up. On the way out I started to feel dizzy and I had to go into a room and lie on my left side and drink oj., it was terrible and I have to wear these big pads for like a week. Hopefully I dont have to do this again!

well theres good and bad... good I think I cured my problem with falling asleep at 6 .. bad  well I have to eat a bowl of cereal at 7

I jumped ahead and took the geodon at 7 and so far its working great.. Eating an extra meal isent my fav..I could hardly even eat it, but if just eating one more meal cures this hell then im all for it :) Im all smiles!

Breakfast
special K

Dinner
asparagus
corn
handful of chicken

snack gah
special K

Last night I went to bed at 6 again, Im starting to think its from the geodon because it makes me tired. So instead of going to the ER I'm going to try and take the Klonopin at 4 and eat at 430 and take the geodon at 5. If I get sick around 7 I will know its the geodon. when I took it in the morning I got extreamly tired two hours later, and before id take the med and then get sick at 6. If this works for a few days (Taking the med later) then I'm going to take it around 7 with a bowl of cereal(you have to eat) and then go tgo bed around 9,but i have to talk to my doctor first... Hopefully this works out for me!

Yesterday
Special K

No lunch

dinner
greek salad

and I had a 80 calorie italian ice, i had a bad day and i felt like eating

Last night at 8:30 I was watching despert housewives with Pat and randomly I started to feel restless.. I went in bed and it lasted around an hour.. I dont know why that happened, I even took one geodone in the morning and one at night (Which im going to stop because it makes me tired and it obv dosent help).. I havent felt that way in acouple of weeks maybe even a month. Hopefully it wont happen again tomorrow, but liltle things like this are slowly pushing me off the edge, I dont feel that sane or happy any more.